A Black Hat

Rain drops
from ashen skies
stark contrast
in her eyes
to the sea of red
from rose to wine
she danced through
in another time
with others
woven
from the fabric
of love.

So, about last night…

I had the opportunity to attend the SAN Red Dress Party with my oldest sister. A beautiful woman who was recently diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and came out to her friends and family as Bisexual. 

Having a diagnosis like DID is difficult, and stigmatization perpetuated by popular media, as well as a lack of knowledge by the general public only make living with it more difficult.

Coming out with a different sexual orientation than heterosexuality is also difficult, but it shouldn’t have to be. 

In the course of discovering and deciding to be true to herself my sister has lost much of the support network she once surrounded herself with, and despite her best efforts she hasn’t been able to re-find the sense of belonging.

I have felt this loss of community on more than one occasion in my own life, but have always been blessed to be able to find places of belonging, if only temporarily, to help me through my darkest days.

I hope that my sister will be able to find hers again, too… and maybe SAN can be the beginning of her next chapter.

So what is SAN? 

SAN is an acronym for the Spokane AIDS network, and began as an informal network of friends, medical caregivers, and concerned citizens in 1985. Today, SAN still provides services and support for the HIV and the greater LGBTQ communities.  

What’s the significance of a Red Dress Party?

The 'Red Dress' event started as a promise, kept by a gay male couple, after they received their HIV diagnoses. They promised each other to wear red at their funerals instead of the typical black attire, in order to bring attention to the AIDS epidemic in the United States.

SAN has been part of the Red Dress Party in Spokane for over a decade.

Last night’s party included drink and food specials along with special drag performances, and even prizes for the best dressed.

But more than all of that, it was a space of love and acceptance. I watched as my sister was able to let go of the fear she has felt in the current political climate and genuinely smile. And it was a beautiful thing. So to all of the people who were there with us, thank you. Watching you embrace who you are despite it being different than who society says you should be has given me the courage to embrace a part of myself that I had tucked away for far too long. 

As insignificant as it may seem, this morning when I got dressed for church, I completed my outfit with the black hat, I’ve been wanting to wear, but doesn’t fit the typical attire of the church I attend. And I felt like myself again, if only for a moment.

Listen on Spotify